a colored spectrum

sand day

tonite was fun!!!
met with michele and jon and brought my dog along (as usual).
so good to see Mich! hahah... everytime she sees Jon, she smiles from ear to ear sweetly!
then they hold hand walk walk and kiss kiss. so sweet!

joshua was saying why people so lovey dovey, michele carry bag and feed jon food.
i make joshua carry bag and he eats chips from my bag. i only feed my dog, not my boyfriend!
they hold hands and kiss kiss, josh and i walk seperately.
aiyah! whatever lah! blah blah blah!

first we went to botanic gardens coz there was performance scheduled.
but coz of the rain earlier on the day, the performace was cancelled.
albeit without putting up a notice!
so we took damn long to get there coz we got lost though Jon was driving.
to only be disappointed...

so Jon suggested that we go East Coast Park seafood center for dinner.
which was a good idea!
my god... the soup beef noodles and satay bee hoon queue was soooo looong.....
i think michele and jon queued for a good half hour. but it was worth every moment of the wait.
freddy! when u come back we go there makan and chill out k?
then we also ordered satay which was in beef slices instead of the minced beef type. wow!
there were also BBQ sting ray and fried mussels.
the mussels were solid and juicy, the sauce was great with rice!

and the company was good! so there, it was indeed an enjoyable evening.

to my dear friends:

i'm alright. not sad, depressed or highly disillusioned. and i still have no good impression of relationships, men and marriage.

most things in life, they don't happen the way we want them to. so just pray that we make the best decisions to help us along at each station. thank and praise the Lord for every smallest blessings we receive.

maybe i expect too much out of josh.

i expect joshua to wake up abt 10am like everyone elses does, attend church and finish service by noon so we have the entire day to do other activities like go mac ritchie for a run or swim, coz i seriously see no meaning in rolling in bed til noon!!! i expect him to be driven and challenge himself to greater heights. i expect him to not tell dumb jokes.

i probably expect alot out of him.

like Freddy said, in the past, i felt that the greatest joy was to come home from school and snuggle with josh. now, i really don't feel so. i said that, that's coz things change. he said, that's coz people forget. well... as i bathed and pondered over what he said, i got a deeper understanding.

maybe i don't give in to the relationship as much as i should. maybe i am not as loving as i used to be. maybe i don't compromise as often as i should. maybe i am too demanding. maybe i am not as understanding. maybe i don't listen as much too. i simply shut off and do other stuff.

probably i didn't put in enough of love and commitment.

every ounce of effort put in is every grain sown.

expecting him to be who i expect him to be is totally unrealistic. there's no point that i should get pissed coz he wakes up late or he tells dumb jokes coz that's him. neither shld i be angry at him coz i woke up with a bad headache. thus i can only say i made the wrong judgement and ultimately a wrong choice in a boyfriend.

however, i can also choose to overlook those flaws and be happy with what i have. but of coz i think i have the best solution. that is to just not be bothered at all. not think about it. not care about it. not complain about it. call them problems. call them defects. whatever. fundamentally irreconcilible difference they are. he shall be him. i am still me.
we live seperate lives =) so i shall go on making my plans, i refuse to waste my time and being not productive. he can roll in bed and watch tv. yes, i shall not grumble about him getting pudgy.

what do you think?

posted by Veen @ 22:44